Rapping is my creative outlet and how I channel my thoughts. The main thing I’m trying to achieve with my music is to help people become more comfortable expressing themselves. I feel the world needs more open and honest expression. I hope that seeing me vulnerable on the streets and being open and honest will inspire others to look deeper within themselves.
That happens quite a lot. For example, one time a guy came up to me in a café and said he wanted to thank me. When I asked, thank me for what he told me he recognised me from a performance on the St Kilda Pier. He had sat watching for a couple of hours, and when he went home, he felt inspired to start journaling. That helped him work through stuff he was struggling with.
The beauty of freestyling is when you’re truly locked in, there’s not much internal dialogue going on. You’re fully present in the moment and don’t even have the slightest inclination about what the next words going to be. When you’re performing like this and the words have great meaning to you, you can resonate with others more.
Sometimes I rap about something I’m struggling with, such as my past relationship with abusing weed. That was my first coping mechanism for dealing with anxiety and depression. But it was a temporary band aid and was holding me back in many ways. Instead of working through things, I was using it as a form of escapism.
I was diagnosed with Aspergers and ADHD in 2000, but my parents didn’t tell me. Back then if you had such a diagnosis you’d be handed the likes of Ritalin or antidepressants straight off the bat. I found the doctor’s report a few years ago and when I asked my mum about it, she said the recommendation was that it was nothing to worry about.
To start off I let my diagnosis become my identity. But I’ve now learnt that the first step in working through stuff is vocalising it, as well as getting outside perspectives. Everyone I’ve spoken to with the same diagnoses and who were on medication, eventually came off it. They’ve come to learn that this is who I am. They might emote differently, express themselves differently, and even see the world a little differently, but that’s who they are. And that’s absolutely fine.